Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART for short) covers a wide variety of treatments with a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). Jumping into treatments involves tons of acronyms for expensive procedures – IUI, IVF, GIFT, to name a few – and may or may not be covered by your insurance. Depending on the infertility diagnosis, a RE may start you on any of the many paths to having a successful pregnancy. 

• Follicle stimulation medication – This medication will (hopefully) produce several follicles with healthy eggs. Your RE will monitor their development until you’re ready to ovulate, which they will control with another medication. At this point, your RE may recommend regular intercourse, or you may need to move on to IUI.
• Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) – For this procedure, your RE will take a semen sample from your partner or your donor and wash it so the sperm is separated from the fluids. A catheter will be inserted through your cervix, and the sperm will be pushed through the catheter. This should give the sperm a head start toward those healthy eggs you’ve ovulated.
• In Vitro Fertilization – Your RE will retrieve the eggs from the follicles during a procedure at the fertility clinic. Your eggs and the sperm will be mixed in a petri dish or a single sperm can be selected and injected into a single egg (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection, ICSI), and any embryos that result in that process can be graded, tested, transferred, or stored. Healthy embryos can be transferred 3-5 days after retrieval in a similar process to the IUI. This catheter, however, is guided by an ultrasound image to give the best chances for pregnancy.

Adoption is another path to parenthood. Under the adoption umbrella, there are many options to consider.

• Domestic or International? Choosing where to adopt from is one of the biggest decisions you’ll make when you choose adoption to build your family. Domestic adoptions can be through foster care, an agency, or a lawyer. International adoptions are facilitated through an agency. You should understand the laws and requirements of any country you are interested in adopting from.
• Agency or lawyer or foster care? Many families hoping to bring a newborn or young child into their family choose to work with an adoption agency or a private lawyer. Foster care is also an option, often the least cost prohibitive, though reunification with the family is a goal of foster care.

Adoption is not pregnancy. Before you choose to adopt, be sure that you have processed through the grief infertility can bring. Adoption is an option for building a family, not a second-best or last resort, and should be approached with its own joy and hope.

The post Your Options to Have Kids When You’re Battling Infertility appeared first on Adoption Forum | Adoptees Forum, After, Failed.

So, what do you need to know about adopting after infertility?

You need to know that people will be excited for you! Our families were thrilled about our news to grow our family through adoption. Infertility had weighed heavily on them, too. They also felt the emptiness of our home and knew how much we wanted to be parents. The decision to move to adoption shifted our focus from “if” to “when.” Once we completed the home study and were a waiting family, we knew that for us parenthood was just a matter of a phone call. We knew it could be a long wait, but we felt hopeful that we would be parents soon. Adoption took away everyone’s anxieties about treatments, two-week waits, and financial strains.

You need to know that many adoption agencies do not want prospective adoptive parents to pursue both adoption and fertility treatment. Agencies want families who are fully committed to adoption, and fertility treatments can split that focus. It was an easy decision for us, but you may need to take the space and time to grieve the loss of biological ties to a child before you are ready to begin the adoption process. It can be a long, intense process, so your heart and mind should be invested solely in adoption.

You need to know that adoption is not an infertility cure. Infertility blocked one of our paths to parenthood, but adoption showed us that there are many ways to be grow our family. If your end goal is to be a parent, adoption is an excellent option. We heard many well-meaning people say, “Now that you’ve adopted, you’ll get pregnant” over and over again. It was incredibly hurtful, as if adoption was a way to get pregnant or that pregnancy was our end goal. Resolve, the National Infertility Association, found that there was no difference in pregnancy rates for couples who adopted versus those who did not. Imagine our surprise when we found out our three month old would be a big brother because I was pregnant. I fiercely spouted off the Resolve stats to anyone who would listen during my pregnancy. Although we are one of “those couples,” we know that our story is not typical and advocate this often.

You need to know that infertility wounds can heal, but the scars may remain. Infertility is messy. It can play host to some of the worst emotions we can experience and don’t want to readily admit. I hoped they would melt away when our son was placed in my arms, but they just became less intense. I’m not proud of my reactions to pregnancy announcements while we were in the throes of fertility treatments, but they were honest, raw emotional moments. After adopting our son, I still felt that jealousy rise up within me, but it was subdued. Even after a surprise pregnancy, I feel annoyed when I see a pregnancy announcement. Infertility will always be a part of our story, so it’s important to recognize its bubbling effects even after resolving infertility. 

You need to know that your heart can hold more love than you knew possible. Of course, your heart will overflow with love for your child. But your heart will carry love and grace for your child’s birth family forever. I am still amazed at the courage of our son’s birth mom and birth dad, and I am so grateful that they were surrounded with support in their decision. Adoption has humbled me in ways I could not imagine. I hope I am the mother that my son’s birth mom imagined when she selected our profile, and I am deeply grateful that she chose us to raise her son. In the chaos and challenges that parenting has presented, I know my cup runneth over thanks to selfless love of others.

The post What You Need to Know about Adoption after Infertility appeared first on Adoption Forum | Adoptees Forum, After, Failed.

Don’t Disappear. Often during tough times, people don’t know what to say or do, so they avoid the affected person. This is one of the worst things you can do. Make sure you stay in touch with a simple phone call or note to let her know you care. You may not be able to take away her pain or solve her problems, but shutting her out of your life will only make her feel more alone and could even damage the relationship.

Be Supportive. Sometimes a simple hug or a few words to let someone know you’re there if they need to talk can go a long way. After suffering two miscarriages and waiting more than six years to become a parent, I was devastated, heartbroken, and lost. I didn’t want to burden others with my problems, but just knowing that friends and family were there for me helped to ease my pain.

Share Your Own Story. Did you have problems conceiving or did you suffer a miscarriage? Don’t be afraid to share your own story. Dealing with infertility can be a lonely road, and those affected often feel like others don’t understand. Talking a little about your own struggles may help someone facing infertility feel a little less alone. And, if your story had a positive outcome, that could give the person hope as well.

Don’t Pressure. Family events — especially holidays and baby showers —can be very difficult for someone struggling with infertility. Surrounded by family, happy smiling children, and cute little babies is pure torture if you’re yearning for a family of your own. Try not to pressure the person to attend every event and certainly don’t suggest they should just try to be happy. There is no set way to grieve. They are allowed to feel however they need to feel to get through the tough times. If an event is too upsetting, it’s okay for them to skip it or leave early. Don’t take it personally. Remember, this is their struggle, not yours. 

Recommend Services. Do you know a fertility specialist, a good therapist or a professional that could help? By all means, share these recommendations. Your suggestion could make difference for someone. However, it’s important to note that sharing recommended services is different from giving unsolicited advice such as “just relax, you’ll get pregnant.” Comments such as these aren’t helpful and could even make the person feel worse. Infertility is never someone’s fault, and there is often no easy solution.

Consider a Kind Gesture. Another way you can help is to do something special for the person to let them know you care. Write a kind note or send a card, have a bouquet of flowers delivered to their house, bring over a casserole, or treat them to lunch. They will appreciate that someone thought of them and took the time to do something nice. And, long after the pain has subsided, they will remember these thoughtful gestures with a smile.

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